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Brian Cage: The Unbreakable Humanoid Meat Tower Wrestling’s Sci-Fi Forgot

Posted on July 31, 2025 By admin No Comments on Brian Cage: The Unbreakable Humanoid Meat Tower Wrestling’s Sci-Fi Forgot
Old Time Wrestlers

Brian Cage is what happens when a refrigerator dies and is reincarnated as a human with abs. A biomechanical monument to muscle-worship and tendon strain, Cage has spent the last two decades terrorizing locker rooms and baffling athletic commissions. In a world where agility is prized, Cage walks in looking like a G.I. Joe that ate the rest of the action figures—and somehow still does moonsaults.


The Origin Story: Built in a Lab (Probably)

Born Brian Christopher Joseph Button (a name better suited for a 1920s stenographer), Cage grew up in Chico, California—home to Aaron Rodgers and now, arguably, the scariest man ever to wear pleather shorts professionally. He debuted in 2004 by wrestling his own idol, Chris Kanyon, who probably realized halfway through that he was fighting an industrial accident with pecs.

Inspired by comic books and raised on pro wrestling, Cage didn’t just want to wrestle—he wanted to mutate. He trained, he ate, he trained again, and then he ate the weights. By 2008, WWE had to sign him out of fear he’d show up anyway.


The FCW Experiment: Kris Logan, We Hardly Knew Ye

Assigned to Florida Championship Wrestling, Cage was given the ring name Kris Logan—a noble attempt to brand him as Wolverine without being sued by Marvel. WWE, never one to see the value in a walking action figure unless he has a six-figure TikTok following, dropped him after a cup of coffee and one tag title run.

He pitched characters like “Night Claw” and reportedly portrayed Mortis, Chris Kanyon’s old masked persona, at Kanyon’s request—becoming the only man to inherit a gimmick from a ghost.


The Indies: Muscles Without Borders

Post-WWE, Cage rampaged through the indies like a protein bar with legs. In Pro Wrestling Guerrilla (PWG), he formed tag teams with names like “Unbreakable F’N Machines” because subtlety is for people with necks. He hit people with things, got hit with things, and never once showed pain—mostly because he’d surgically removed those nerve endings in 2010.

He fought in Japan. He fought in Mexico. He fought anyone who didn’t run fast enough. He even showed up in Lucha Underground as simply “Cage”—a name so monolithic it could double as a Marvel villain or a CrossFit gym.


Lucha Underground: Weapon X and Steroid Jokes

In Lucha Underground, he was presented as a literal machine. Like, that was the gimmick. He wasn’t a man. He was a machine. And every match was a performance art piece titled “What If Optimus Prime Did a 450 Splash?”

He feuded with Prince Puma, Johnny Mundo, and reason. His arsenal included suplexes, moonsaults, and a finishing move called “Weapon X,” which sounds like something that got Wolverine expelled from the X-Men.


Impact Wrestling: The World Champ with a Spine of Steel Rods

Cage returned to American TV through Impact Wrestling, where he did the unthinkable—he won the X Division Championship, traditionally reserved for guys small enough to rent themselves out as stunt doubles for squirrels. Then, in 2019, he became Impact World Champion after defeating Johnny Impact in a match that left him with a spinal injury and a new bionic hip (probably).

He was the champion who couldn’t defend his title because his body kept rejecting the concept of gravity. But that didn’t stop him from defending it in street fights, cage matches, and at one point, a literal wedding segment.


AEW: The FTW Title, Team Taz, and Towel Trauma

In 2020, AEW unwrapped Cage like a Marvel villain with a good Instagram filter. Taz declared him the next great FTW Champion—essentially handing him a championship belt because actual wrestling titles are too mainstream.

Cage demolished jobbers, had a blood feud with Darby Allin (a wrestler built out of eyeliner and spite), and got turned on by Team Taz when it became clear he had too many abs to be trusted.

He then floated between heel, face, human forklift, and mutant philosopher, depending on the week.


ROH, The Don Callis Family, and Murder Machines

When AEW decided he needed a more elite playground, Cage was loaned to Ring of Honor, where he hoarded six-man tag belts like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones. With the Embassy, Cage got to be the big, scary guy in the background—which was refreshing, because it meant he didn’t have to talk.

Eventually, he joined The Don Callis Family in 2024, tagging with Lance Archer to form The Murder Machines—a name that sounds like an ’80s death metal band or a failed Dodge prototype. They steamrolled through the tag division until Cage’s quadriceps tapped out in protest.


The Injury: Achilles, but Thicker

In April 2025, Cage tore his quadriceps tendon during an indie event, an injury that would sideline a normal human for a year—but Cage is not normal. His leg is probably growing back as we speak, stronger and angrier.

The wrestling world now waits for his inevitable return, when he will re-emerge like a techno-buff Lazarus, ready to destroy anyone standing between him and a belt. Any belt. Even a Gucci one.


Legacy: Less Wrestler, More Kaiju

Brian Cage has never needed a gimmick. He is the gimmick. Built like a boss fight and programmed for suplexes, Cage exists in a genre of his own: science fiction body horror meets Cirque du Soleil.

He’s not the best talker, but who needs words when your biceps do the arguing? In a world of high spots and finesse, Cage is a throwback to when wrestling was about who could throw you the furthest.

And when he returns—because men like Cage don’t retire, they respawn—you’d better believe someone’s getting powerbombed into the year 2040.

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